The state of the economy and such has finally started getting to me. Not too badly, mind you, but it has. Iapos;ve been growing a little concerned about a lot of the things I see around me. I get that people are putting out a lot of hope for change in this presidential election, but Iapos;m not holding out any hope. I have no faith in my country right now. I have no faith in its people at large to make the right choice about anything. The masses would rather sit there, watch American Idol, and be numb all over. I feel like Iapos;ve been watching all of it, and Iapos;ve come to realize Iapos;m somewhat like that too, in my own ways. Honestly, Iapos;m getting slightly nervous about all of it.
Cynical, huh?
Well, I do have a little hope...just not for people in general. It kind of came from the darndest of places...or people, I should say. In his book, apos;Song of Susannahapos;, Stephen King has the title character retreating into her own mindapos;s "control room", or Dogan, when the entity possessing her body takes full control and shuts Suze out and locks her away. From this control room, Susannah actually manages to control her body, to a certain extent. This gave me an idea some time after I read that book.
See, workapos;s been driving me crazy lately. I donapos;t mean in a zany way, either. Iapos;ve written about it here before, and Iapos;m sure I will again. Itapos;s seemed like every week for the last three weeks, thereapos;s been one day each week that has left me wanting to die and/or kill myself. Dramatic, I know, but itapos;s true. Helpdesk is not a good job at all for people like me.
The worst part has been that ungodly irritating, moralistic, high-and-mighty voice in the back of my mind telling me all the things I can do to change myself to adapt. Iapos;ve never liked doing that, because one part of me has always thought that I should not have to change myself just because of some idiotic, retarded bullshit run by piss-drinking pieces of human filth. That part of me has always said that Iapos;m better than that, Iapos;m better than THEM, and I should not have to change for THEM. With time that has changed, and although I still have that part of me, itapos;s had the opportunity to mature. Itapos;s actually made alliance with Mr. Morals up there Now that part of me runs more along the lines that all of that stupid-ass bullshit does not belong inside me, it wants it out RIGHT NOW or it will call the police
Well, you get the point...maybe.
The point of the last two paragraphs is that Iapos;ve decided Iapos;m really terribly sick of internalizing things when I really shouldnapos;t, Iapos;m tired of taking things personally, and Iapos;m tired of letting things get under my skin. Mr. FTW (Fuck The World) hasnapos;t quite gotten the knack of that part of it. Frankly, itapos;s taken long enough get it to just want to keep the inside safe, you know?
So Iapos;ve made my own Dogan from which to control certain things. So far Iapos;ve had three daysapos; experience with it. Every morning Iapos;ve used a combo of creative visualization, NLP techniques, and possibly a little magic, to go into my Dogan, regulate all the bad stuff and create my day the way I want it ahead of time. Honestly, itapos;s been fascinating, especially with how effective itapos;s seemed to be. Since I ride the bus to work, it gives me time to just sit there and do whatever. For these past three days, the first part of my bus ride has been going into the Dogan and doing my stuff. And for the past three days the conditions have been the same pool of stress and misery...and all three days Iapos;ve left work having had at least an OK, often at least bordering on good.
In the past Iapos;ve had friends who will just sit there and spout rote new-age/self-help aphorisms and sayings at you thinking theyapos;re giving you such a gift and helping you so much. Iapos;ve never found those rote sayings and maxims of much help or use. But stuff like what Iapos;ve described above DOES help and IS useful. Thatapos;s the pragmatist in me, I guess. If it works, right?
I have more work to do with the Dogan, but for now Iapos;m patting myself on the back for at last finding something that really seems to help. :)
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